The Shaking

The Shaking

You’ve taken me
And shaken me,
And painful though it was.
You’ve helped me see,
It was for me,
And you did it all in love.
The shaking is for a purpose,
So that the unshakable will remain.
To remove all the impurities,
And even take the stain.
Washed clean in your furnace,
Purified by fire.
So only pureness is left,
Only now can you take me higher.
So thank you for the shaking, Lord,
I know it was for my good.
Only pure gold is left in me,
You’ve burned up all my wood.
Kristy Turnage
4-18-07

The Hidden Me

The Hidden Me


Lost in the moment,
Scared someone might see.
All of the brokenness,
That still resides inside of me.
Hurry, put on the mask,
And they will never know.
See, you look so normal.
Just don't let it show.
I keep it all hidden.
All bottled up inside.
The invisible scars,
The cried tear's, now dried.
I can't tell the secret,
There's still so much pain.
What if people knew?
What would they say?
But as long as I hide it,
I'll never be free.
The silence keeps me a victim,
In a state of defeat.
So find your voice Kristy ,
Someone else needs to hear.
That they are not alone,
And there is life beyond the fear!!
Kristy Turnage
3/15/07

Letter To My Abuser

Letter to my abuser…..


It has taken me such a long time to even get to the place that I could write this letter. And still I am struggling with what to say… I do realize that I have carried so much fear, anger, shame and guilt around for such a long time. I have allowed those emotions to limit me in so many ways for 24 years. I have walked around with no self-esteem & labeled myself as "permanently damaged goods", for as long as I can remember. Do you even know what you did or what it cost me? You violated a child, stole my innocence & caused me to walk in fear and doubt. Always feeling so inadequate. Never could tell the secret. Scared that if I told that you would follow through with your threats to kill my parents and my sister or that you would hurt me worse next time. I allowed you to keep me silent and that silence kept me in bondage to the fear. I had no one that I could turn to. I was only a child. I was not a bad person & I did not ask for it. I did not lead you on. I was afraid of you. I have lived in that fear ever since. Always scared to say what I need or what I think. I was so messed up in the way that I saw myself. Always like looking at myself through a broken mirror. You stole my innocence and my voice and replaced those precious things with shame and quilt and fear and so much self doubt. I have carried this burden way too long & I am tired. Tired of being my own worst enemy. Tired of thinking that I do not deserve anything good to happen in my life. Tired of feeling like everyone else has it all together & that I am just messed up. But most of all, I am tired of feeling broken inside. Filled with so much shame. Always feeling inadequate & somehow dirty. I want you to know that I am a beautiful woman of worth and I have every right to walk in the knowledge of who I was created to be, not in the person that you tried to make me believe that I was.
Kristy Turnage
3/14/07