Perfect -- No

There are no perfect people....In this world of imperfection...
None that have not fallen...None that are without a past....
None that don't carry secrets...None that have not suffered...
At the hands of another...None that don't bare the scars...
None that are unaffected...By their own insecurities...
If I've ever given you the impression...
That my life is perfect....Or that I have it all  together...
Or that I am without sin....Or that I have not made wrong decisions...
Then please let me be the very first to say....I am so sorry...you have been misled...
Or if your impression of me is that...I think I am better than you in any way....
Then you truly don't know me at all...Truth is.....
I have known what its like to suffer at the hands of another...
I have known what it's like to live in fear...
I have known what it's like to keep the secret...
I have known what it's like to fear for my life...
And to fear for the very lives of those that I love more than life...
I have known what its like to be hurt beyond measure...
To be  told over and over again that I deserved it...That I was nothing...
That I even asked for it....That if I had just kept my mouth shut...
Or if I said anything it would be worse the next time...
Perfect---No...
I have made more mistakes than can be counted...
I have had my innocence stolen...I have suffered in silence....
I have had to keep the secret....For years................
I do not live under the illusion that I am perfect...
By any stretch of the term....I have been my own worst enemy....
Never good enough...Never pretty enough...
Never smart enough...Most of my entire life...
Not because I wanted to be a victim.....
But because I believed that I was.....
I have even suffered at my own hand....
Decisions made in haste...
Decisions based on feeling and not wisdom...
To my own detriment....Not giving heed to wisdom....
I know what its like to constantly ask...The same questions over and over...
"What is wrong with me?"..."Why do I feel different?"
"Why did that have to happen to me?"..."Where was my knight in shining armor?"
But you know what?????? I am unique in who I am...but...
No different than every other person on this planet....
Truth is we have all suffered....
At some point we all ask the very same questions...
The difference is....
I am no longer content to live with that mindset...That I am beneath anyone or anything...
I accept the fact that I have made mistakes....Plenty.....
I also accept the fact that life is not fair...I accept the fact that I am who I am....
And you know what???
I am amazing....I am beautiful...intelligent...talented....creative...compassionate...
Caring...gifted...social and loving...I am who I am...not in spite of what I have experienced....
But because of what I have experienced...Don't misunderstand...It does not in any way define WHO I am...But it does give me a platform to stand on and help others...
That have also known abuse at the hands of another...
I say all this not so that you will pity me..please don't feel sorry for me....that is not the purpose of this...The purpose is this...there is life after abuse...we are called to not only survive...but to thrive...Learn to walk in forgiveness...love with all that is in you... and live your life large. Don't allow what happened in your past to steal your future...or more importantly...your today...right now...this moment...the only one that truly matters.
Kristy Turnage
4-20-10