Hi....I'm Kristy...and this is my blog...a place that I come to share what is on my mind and on my heart at the time. You are more than welcome to follow along with me. Hope that maybe there is something that you read here that touches your heart or moves you in some way. Seems it has taken me a lifetime to find my voice...and now that I have....I intend to use it. Live life large...and enjoy the ride.
It’s a new day.
Full of possibilities...and new chances…
The slate has been wiped clean.
A canvas ready to be painted…
Ready to be filled with the bright, radiant colors of life…
This day can be filled with laughter...
The kind that is genuine and full of life...
This day can be spent with the knowledge...
That this~is a day of purpose...
Orchestrated and destined…long before this day ever drew near.
This day holds hope in its hand.
Hope for a better appreciation of time.
Time that should never be taken for granted.
Life lived with purpose is the goal...
Love given and love received...
Unconditionally~woven throughout this day.
No longer held back with yesterday’s decisions or worries...
Today is the day of new beginnings....
Not to be spent with over-analyzing or dissecting motives...
But to~just~be~lived.
So live this day to the fullest....
No regrets....
Carpe diem...
Seize the day.
I know what its like to...hold on... When all else fails... To hold to that very thing that...sustains you... That keeps you grounded and centered... During those times of heartache...and pain... I have clung to even the most minute ounce of hope. I have held out for the impossible... I have sought after the incredible... I have trusted in truth... I know what its like to...let go... To just let be...what shall be... To stop struggling within...with insecurities... With doubt...with indecision... To just lay down all the hurts... All the pain...all the dreams... I know what it's like to question... My very purpose...my reason for being... So many..."Why me" moments... Are now behind me...gone... From even those...lessons are learned. I heard someone say once... That its the creative...artistic folks...in life... That seem to struggle the most. I almost laughed...not sure what the actual stats are on that study... Just know that we all have our fair share. Life at times...has a way of handing out some crappy cards. But I also know what it is to be thankful... For a heritage that is beyond measure... For a family that loves without question... For friendships that are beyond words... For experiences and opportunities that have made me...me. Some amazing...some not so kind...and some beyond description... For the simple pleasures in life... For heart-felt moments... For words shared... But most importantly... For the...unspoken.
When in doubt...write...right? That has always been my moto...my escape to some degree....my outlet...my way of expressing...my thoughts...my dreams...my heart...me. When the heaviness of my world...weights as boulders upon my shoulders...giving me no relief...I write...I pour it out...the words that demand to be said...spoken...as if I have no say-so at all ...in the matter. A burden so heavy at times that I find that I am a slave to the weight...to the words. Writing is my way of pouring it all out...all that is...in me...all that is...me. Some things...I welcome...the letting go of...good riddance...I can't let go fast enough...and then there are times that I find...that I FIGHT...within myself....to hold onto...for just a bit longer...to those things that I deemed...as necessary...as real...those things that...to me went beyond description...beyond explanation...beyond labels...beyond words. Dichotomy...oh how I have grown to hate that word...cause for me it represents...a division...a separation...of what I thought...verses...what I think...what I know...do you know just how frustrating that is? Wishing I could whip the slate clean...un-do....all that...has undone me. To not know...what I know...Oh how delusional that sounds...knowing that we can't learn the lesson...without the test...have the resolution...minus the trial...have the victory...without the battle scars...to feel nothing but love...and none of the lose. If only it was as simply as writing it all out...and being done with it. Life...sometimes is just not that easy. As if...putting it on paper...could erase all of life's hurts...all the pain...all the deception...some hurts can't let go of us so easily...some I guess we have to trust that time will take care of.
Truly...we are all a part of something... That is so much greater...than ourselves. Greater than what we could ever imagine... Yet, still defined by the power of one.
I have come to realize that sometimes...and maybe even most times...that it's in the valley's of our lives...and when we are at our weakest...that we really find out how great our God is...and what He is capable of...how strong He is...and just how far His love reaches. If you know me at all...then you know that I am hands down...a Daddy's girl. Now don't think for one minute that I care any less for my Mama...cause I don't...but I am reconciled to the fact that a Daddy's girl...I am. For those that know my family...then you know that my father can no longer walk on his own...his speech is severely impaired...and he can no longer see as he once could. My mother is his primary caregiver 24 hours a day...everyday. On Sunday...Father's Day...in the midst of having all my family over for the Father's Day celebration, my mama shared this precious truth with me. If my memory serves me correctly...we were talking about diets (of all things)...when the conversation changed quickly as mama said..."Kristy, I told your daddy this morning...that I pray to God every morning...that He(God)...will help me...to be strong enough "today"...to take care of him(my daddy)"...and that one statement touched my heart. It went to the very core of who I am. I honestly, don't think she even realized just how much that one sentence moved me. How many of us are that selfless? To pray for strength for ourselves is one thing...but to pray for strength...for someone else...I admit...that goes beyond my normal scope of prayer. Forgive me, Lord. At 40...I am still learning from my folks...on how to live...how to love...and how to trust...and for that I am so ever thankful!
The true measure of a person... Is not in the great feats they master... Or in the following they have... Nor the amount of money they make. It can't be found in their title...or their schooling... It can't be gauged by the accolades they acquire... Nor the amount of people that look to them...as a leader... It's not in their abilities...or in their deficiencies... It's not something that you can acquire...or learn...or come to believe... It's not in the size of their estate...or the number of associates that scramble at their feet... It's not in the accomplishments they have made...at all... The measure of a person...is always revealed in the heart...of that person... It is seen in how they're willing to "go to bat" for that one that is being ridiculed? It is seen in the person that rises to the challenge of defending those that can't defend themselves... It is seen in the person that hurts for those those around them...that hurt... It is seen in the person that is willing to defend those that are in need... And those that have been abused...those left broken...and used. Defending those that have stood alone...but can now...no longer stand...on their own... Rescuing those that no longer have the strength to stand...against their accusers... It is seen in the person that goes without...all...so that someone else can have...some... It is seen in the person that chooses be a voice...for those that no longer can find their own... It is seen in the one that holds the spoon to the mouth...of the one that no longer can hold the spoon... It is seen in the person...that continuously sacrifices self...without thought of recoupment... It is seen in the person that has a heart for others... I would rather be the person...or associate with the person...that is moved to do the right thing...because in their heart...even though maybe they, themselves can't fully explain it... They are just moved...to do so...to always place others first... That...is the measure of a person.
So I find myself…here… With so many thoughts… Things on my heart… Words… See…that’s what I keep coming back to… Words…. That one word…speaks…volumes… It’s never just words…not to me… To me they mean…so much more… They signify…truth…honor…integrity… A bond…revelation shared… Honesty…declared… Understood…trusted… A gift…shared… So many things… But never…Ever…“Nothing“… My words matter… They count… Not spoken in vain… Not shared...to take up space… Not to make light of...pain... Never to fill a void… Sometimes…to put in place… Not to be overlooked.... Dismissed...or displaced... They are no longer mere letters... Held together on paper… Being accompanied by sounds and syllables… No…they are now a testament of truth… My truth… And at the end of the day… That’s what I am left with… My words… My truth.
In a world that continues to try to tell us who we are ....Here we stand...just being who we are...and we are who we are and as strong as we are because of the struggles and trials that we have not only endured but also come through. So here I am! Stronger!
